@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
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@jonnysun: WHITE GIRL: im not a dog person, im not a cat person, im a people person ME: (whispering to my dog) i think that means she owns slaves
@TheRealHoff10: People keep asking me today "So you have a new boss?" No, I'm still with my wife.
@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.