@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
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@TheBoydP: I'm not saying it would kill me to work out, I'm just saying my wife bought me a gym membership and doubled my life insurance...
@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate
@noog: *flips over table* *table flips back up* Table: You got a problem? Me: DO YOU? Table: ... Me: HUH? Table: ... Me: I SAID DO WE HA- Table: No
@Tmoney68: Top advice for résumés: Be VERY careful with placement of dashes. Ex. - First-hand job experience = good. First hand-job experience = bad.