@Home_Halfway: We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she'd probably kick all our asses in poker.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I commented on that video of your kid taking his first steps with "aw look you taught it how to walk on its hind legs!"
@Beakmoo: Last time I saw my boyfriend he was getting on a plane to Helsinki. You might say he vanished into Finnair.
@BGH70: When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, "significantly less bleeding." Less bleeding is good for not being dead.
@Douchekevin: Never mind trying to scare me about going to hell religious people, it won't work. I was married for 6 years.