@bourgeoisalien: We can't afford a Trump presidency. The money spent alone on hundreds of new White House door knobs for his wee-baby hands would bankrupt us
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@joe_binkley: What kind of country do we live in when an artist like Sia won't take advantage of the freedom to change her last name to Lateralligator?
@LoverOfComics94: Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.
@Aspersioncast: I hate when I forget to shave then people assume I'm a hippy and start talking about recycling.
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?