@bourgeoisalien: We can't afford a Trump presidency. The money spent alone on hundreds of new White House door knobs for his wee-baby hands would bankrupt us
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@DontTouchMyWine: Him: I love redheads. I could totally see you being a great wife. Me: I could totally see you being a great chalk outline.
@Kyle_Lippert: Fun fact: the person who said "If you love something let it go" died alone, surrounded by 342 cats.
@envydatropic: Why? How I answer every text when my friends with little kids ask me what I'm doing tonight Related - I never babysit