@KentWGraham: We didn’t have child safety seats when I was young. My dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.
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@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
@EndhooS: Taco guy: guac costs extra Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free Taco Guy: guac is free… Anakin: why'd u even pay for the taco? Obi Wan: dammit