@peterjames48: We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, "Good for him."
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@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
@caliluvgirl77: Police - OPEN UP OR WE ARE COMING IN Me- SOUNDS GREAT CAN YOU GRAB MY CHARGER FROM MY CAR
@iamrandomape: SOLDIER DYING IN MY ARMS: tell everyone of my bravery [me 3 months later] I think he had a brewery