@1evilidiot: We had a ninja competition tonight but we don't know if anyone showed up.
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@welone1: During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
@Brampersandon_: GUY (whose car died): can u help me? I need a jump ME (pulling a trampoline out of my trunk): im always prepared for emergencies like this
@MrsMikePatton: Maybe if we press "2" for Spanish, we'll actually get someone that speaks English better then the person on the "1" line.
@BlaineBruce: My dog plays this fun game where she holds her bladder until she gets inside the house