@1evilidiot: We had a ninja competition tonight but we don't know if anyone showed up.
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@ericsshadow: Cop: license and registration. Me: I don't carry my drivers license so I don't lose it. Cop: where is it? Me: I have absolutely no idea.
@robfee: Dang girl are you the old lady from Up, because I've only been here for like 5 minutes and you're already gone.
@BuckyIsotope: *hires sky writer to propose to psychic girlfriend* WILL YOU MARRY ME *2nd planes flies by 5 seconds later* HELL NO
@BiIIMurray: I think abs are for guys that don’t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.