@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: i'll never forget what my Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket "Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
@3sunzzz: [Halloween] Me: How adorable! I love your ghost costume! 14: *sigh* I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M SHEET-FACED.
@BritishNicx: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to eat your sandwiches.
@ceejoyner: Anything guitarists say while leaning back to back during a solo is protected by law like confession or attorney client privilege.