@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
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@david8hughes: Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college.
@Home_Halfway: Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find.