@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@superdadatron: My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer...
@SamuelMoen: When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river
@ddsmidt: People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog's invisible fence.