@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
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@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. "No screens allowed." On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. "This is your mother now."
@Cheeseboy22: Sure I could get off the couch & put new batteries in this remote but instead I am going to hold it high above my head & at different angles
@sploosk: my roofing company has gone bankrupt. I kept saying "this one's on the house" every time I finished a roof, how could i be so stupid