@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
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@clindsaysway: I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps.
@SamGrittner: I don't throw anything out anymore I just go to TGIFriday's once a month and glue more shit to the wall no one notices try it
@AimeeHelene1: Friend: Who's that? Me: Oh...that's crazy Kathy. F: Why do you call her that? Is she funny or something? Me: No. She eats hair.