@personontheweb: we just got new auto insurance and my mom was supposed to text our agent pictures of her car:
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@touchmybobby: as a job-stealing immigrant, I now have 36 jobs and counting. I keep them in my basement like some kind of job dragon. what you gonna do
@BromanConsul: "You knew what you were getting into, Charlene" "Jim your addiction to long walks on the beach is destroying our marriage" "YOU READ MY BIO"
@MrsJekyllsHyde: Coworker: I don't even know what's wrong with me. *sighs Me: Oo Oooo pick me pick me I know *raises hand with answer