@StellaRtwot: We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.
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@Michael_Erhart: [First date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Date: "I'm a librarian." Me: "Oh, my bad." *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*
@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.
@WheelTod: [Lounging in hot tub] Paul the Plum: "I'm starting to shrivel up like a..." Pete the Prune: "Oh just say it, Paul. Like a what?!"