@xLiserx: *Batman happily approaches Batmobile* Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco. *Defeatedly gets in Batvan*

@WilliamAder: Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in.

@ceejoyner: For a quiet ride, buckle the empty seatbelt beside a child and tell them not to wake up the ghost.

@Vice_Queen: I hate when the hot person in my peripheral vision turns out to be a mannequin.

@1followernodad: Fun prank: ONLY explain gay marriage to your kids and then watch other people try to explain their weird straight marriages.