@dlockw21: I definitely thought I would have shot the lock off of something by now in my life.
@SarahFemme: If your mom still washes your underwear, you're not allowed to have an opinion about anything.
@AdamBroud: Wife: Whatchya thinking about?
Me: *Thinking about how dogs understand more English words than I understand dog words* Science stuff.
@meganamram: Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination
@AtticusFinch79: [blind date]
HIM: so Paul says that you're a real charmer *smiles*
ME:*whips out three snakes from my bag and a flute* you bet i am
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