@MariyaAlexander: Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they're faux lesbian. I don't believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they're farm-raised.
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@this503girl: Recently found out I'm not the devil. I read the tag on my underpants incorrectly; it said "Satin". Oops.
@loribuckmajor: Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.
@shegotagronk: It's so beautiful outside. I should probably do something...Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my computer screen.
@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally switched the baby formula with coconut milk and now my newborn is complaining that her lullabies are "too mainstream."