@WhaJoTalkinBout: Wearing shirts of bands you don't listen to is like refusing to eat the cupcake, but cool walking around with frosting all over your face.
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@PinkCamoTO: *planning family vacation* Me: So what about camping? Them: We love camping! Me: Great! I'll drop you off on my way to the spa.
@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@OneFunnyMummy: Before kids: I'd choose going blind over going deaf. After kids: Deaf! I wanna be deaf!