@WhaJoTalkinBout: Wearing shirts of bands you don't listen to is like refusing to eat the cupcake, but cool walking around with frosting all over your face.
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@MyPornKhan: When folks unfollow me shortly after they've followed me I just figure they sobered up.
@errdayhustlah: Whenever people say "don't judge me" I like to imagine them in the weird wigs British judges wear. *whispers* Judged you.
@rockymomax: Cop: You doin drugs? "No" Cop: Whatya smokin? "Pot" Cop: THATS DOING DRUGS "Ohh I thought you meant like [whispers] having sex with drugs"
@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory