@_Sal_Paradise_: *wears an "Only God Can Judge Me" t-shirt to court*
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@krisv_723: *My neighbor rolls over in bed. Me: You really shouldn't sleep with the windows open. Now quit hogging the covers.
@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends* Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon. Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons? Me: You heard me.
@Mostly_Cheese: If someone stole my identity I would be like, "Haha now you have no money and you're bad at basketball."