@_Sal_Paradise_: *wears an "Only God Can Judge Me" t-shirt to court*
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: Where are the groceries? ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean? *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*
@pbear79: A woman with questionable hygiene, no teeth, and an eye patch asked me if I was looking for a date.. Long story short, picking her up at 7.
@Jayson_Two_time: Pro Tip for the ladies. Ask him to show you where the "jack thingy" is at in the trunk and when he shows you.. That's when you push him in.
@iAmDelFreaky: I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry.