@iscoff: We'd like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair
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@3hunnathot: one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo... it’s a good movie smh
@MsSkarsgaard: Not to brag but at the last family reunion I didn't talk to a single person. No idea whose family it was. Lots of beer though. Recommend.
@chuuew: SEA LION 1: "More like shark *weak* amirite?" SEA LION 2: "Hahaha" SHARK: "Hey guys, what ya watching?" [Sea lions jump onto ceiling fan]
@jmhuntsinger: Judging by the quality of some of your tweets I can tell this isn't the first time you've failed in life.