@WizdomForGirls: Weed doesn't make you stupid, you were stupid before you smoked the weed.
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@wescraw: We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they'll dig the wrong way. It's called thinking ahead guys.
@StansaidAirport: Do you like freezing to death and knocking down trees with your face? Well why not book a skiing holiday?
@StoferComic: An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don't really expect much to happen...
@InternetHippo: MATH PROBLEM: If you give half of your apple to a friend, what do you have? ME (through tears): A…a friend