@BlondAmbitionTO: "Weight Watchers" because "Obesity Observers" was too cerebral.
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@JessObsess: I just wish I was rich enough to be able to throw all of the pots and pans away after I cook.
@JediGigi: Him: ...and I asked you out because you're smart and pret-WHY ARE YOU POKING ME WITH A STICK? Me: To see if you're real or if I'm just high
@DaddyJew: Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit