@Token_Geezer: Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on
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@gruffybeard: The Jews probably would've wandered the desert for a lot less time if someone had just deleted Pokémon Go from Moses iPhone.
@PersianCeltic: When I die I want my tombstone to say free WiFi so people will visit more often. I will also name the network "HELP, I'M STILL ALIVE!"
@dire_beard: [At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!
@TheChalls: Hey Joe, don't think we can use this ad. Why not? We're roofers. Yes, but "Hot shingles in your area looking to get nailed" seems extreme.