@Token_Geezer: Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on
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@Bez: When someone texts "whatcha doin" after midnight the appropriate response is "someone else" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone.
@thatUPSdude: Me: This infomercial is so stupid. *10 mins later* Me: So all I have to pay on the 2nd one is the shipping and handling?
@Jenny4ashley: Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you... Congratulations! You're engaged.
@weinerdog4life: Literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don't even know it.