@jwoodham: Welcome to college! Here's a list of our majors. Here's a list of majors that lead to unemployment. As you can see, both lists are the same.
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@mrtruthandsoul: Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me.
@Sickayduh: "In my defense, Your Honor, I only made comments about her yoga pants cause harassment a lot to me" "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@BoogTweets: Me: I really think we should hide the body Pallbearer: Again, that is not how any of this works
@kathradical: I got my first period during Shrek 2 live in theaters which means I entered Shrek 2 a child & left a woman