@noog: Welcome to Insomnia Club. God dammit Bob. BOB. Steve wake Bob up. Steve?
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@IcyAndSpicy: Saw a tweet about foods to help your sex life. I need sex to help my sex life, not food.
@pittdave13: First date Me: have you ever taken a selfie with a dog face filter? Her: Yes, I love those! Me: Well look at the time this has been fun...
@realHamOnWry: My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player. I want us to see other people.