@novicefather: Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure.
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@MattMcC1: "Hey, people who cover their mouth when they laugh; noone is trying to steal your teeth", i hiss through my very normal amount of teeth.
@Elizasoul80: I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.
@SummerCandyEyes: The neighbor's cat brought me a dead lizard while I was outside having a snack on the patio, so it's now some weird interspecies potluck.
@Chumpstring: ME: I lied in my interview. BOSS: what was the lie? ME: all lies. except about my aunt. BOSS: she wants to party with me? ME: big time.