@novicefather: Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@scott_towel: Detective: Did your husband have any enemies, ma'am? Wife: Well, the cat next door never really liked Jim, and that always seemed a bit odd.
@drunktweets81: My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it.