@novicefather: Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure.
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@PorkUrPine: WIFE: look at that couple. He kisses his girl every time he sees her. Why can't you do that ME: I'd love to but I don't know her well enough
@therealeatwood: [Biker gang] ME: Do we or do we not ride our bikes at the same speed? BIKER: OK, but you need to stop saying we “synchronize our cycles.”