@novicefather: Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure.
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@mynameisntdave: I got robbed last night but in the best way possible: I was pickpocketed which means I didn't even have to talk to the person who robbed me.
@luvsoralfun: Relationship status: looking for a woman whose family would pay me $1mil to disappear and not contact her anymore...
@realHamOnWry: That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.