@IamEnidColeslaw: welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister
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@kelkulus: My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago.
@Maxine12333: Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said 'make yourself comfortable', so I did, I went home.
@krissywillbretz: [god creating raccoons] Angel: what do I do with all the leftover tiny people hands? God: hand me those cats.
@LADaddy: Reporter: Tell me about him Neighbor: He was so nice, sweet, friendly, funny R: Do you think he killed those people? N: Oh, yeah absolutely.