@Donna_McCoy: Welcome to Passive Aggressive Club. We all got here early, but you just take your time.
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@mattgallo123: The cool thing about driving 15 mph in a school zone is that it makes it so much easier to text.
@TheTweetOfGod: If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.
@KeetPotato: [gets pulled over] cop: "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" [i've swapped places with the dog] me: "answer the man"