@JustTashie: Welcome to twitter, the support group for people who like people who don't like people.
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@imlaurenmcguire: I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend.
@trojansauce: [interview] "what's you're biggest weakness?" *whispers* "sorry i couldn-" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME
@kwirkyKerri: Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me.
@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat