@AbbyHasIssues: "Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.
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@pleatedjeans: [job interview for garbageman] interviewer: I like your enthusiasm, you're hired Three raccoons in trench coat: [ecstatic chittering]
@foxxy311: Ladies, don't waste your time picking up guys at Chuck E Cheese. Apparently they have a "family" & a "wife" & I'm "ruining their dinner."
@2tickytacky: I went into a store with my kid and came out with a different one by accident. This one is a keeper. He says he does brake work. Well see.
@crabgirl_: *Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?