@TonyFratto: I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S.

@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.

@EmilioEmm: It’s HOMOsapiens, not HETEROsapiens. It’s the Bi-ble, not the Straight-ble.

@Cheeseboy22: The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.

@DVSblast: OK I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE HILLARY EMAILS THING. TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE A FAST KIND OF MAIL THAT GOES IN THE COMPUTER.