@TheDjinnTrials: Well excuse me all to hell. I thought you'd be flattered with a mosaic of pictures of you at the gym. No, you don't need to call the police.
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@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you
@stockejock: Happy birthday to rapper Pitbull who is 34 today, or 238 in dog years for all the other Pitbulls.
@usermcuserface: Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight.
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? "No, sir" I like your style, Murray.