@MelvinofYork: Well hello, "Party-Size" bag of Doritos. Welcome to my party! There will be no other guests.
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@warne888: When you're at someone's house? Normal people: "What a lovely house!" Me: "What's your wifi password?"
@stephenjmolloy: *after 7 hours in a Chinese restaurant* Me to waiter: "Actually, do you think I could have a fork?"
@kevinrowe1: At my age, a new driver's license doesn't have an Expires On date. It has a Renew If You Haven't Expired On date.