@MelvinofYork: Well hello, "Party-Size" bag of Doritos. Welcome to my party! There will be no other guests.
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@ch000ch: ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight? HER: no not yet!! i'm totally free and available ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Twitter Clique: (n) a small exclusive group of friends who promise to tell each other they are funny.
@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.
@GingerHotDish: Licked a frog once. He didn't turn into a prince but he did turn into an ambulance ride.