@ibid78: "Well that can't be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
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@trojansauce: [me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert] please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation
@MrMichaelRose: my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place
@infamousone96: "I'm single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I'm still single, cuz I say shit like that?