@MoneypennyNaked: Well, well, well if it isn't the 5 lbs I thought I lost.
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@NicestHippo: WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?
@agathagotstoned: May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie
@Playing_Dad: Clark Kent: How's your lunch? Bruce Wayne: This soup is great. CK: don't BW: You could even say CK: please don't BW: It's Souper, man
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Taylor Swift seems like the kind of chick who'd stare at her boyfriend while he's sleeping.