@Matt_The_1st: Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
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@SufficientCharm: *Squatting over cat litter box* Husband: What the fu- Me: THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM
@LambyMcSheeps: Sometimes you need a little distance to see things clearly, but other times it is obviously a bear and you should probably just run
@bingowings14: I tried some Dirty Dancing in a neighbour's herb garden. I had the thyme of my life.
@IdStandOnThat: My daughter just said, "Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads." She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now.