@twitinfected: Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and I only spent $9,000.00
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@TheToddWilliams: You're never gonna believe this but Ben Carson's full name is Benghazi Carsonofsatan
@LnL245: I'm in awe of people who can pronounce camaraderie correctly the first, second or tenth time.
@BambamVictoria: My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work.
@TheQuietPsycho: I get caught zipping my pants up while standing beside the turkey just one time, and suddenly she never needs help in the kitchen anymore