@SonOfCha: Went into a massage parlor & asked for the happy ending, now I'm tucked into bed with a Korean woman reading me Cinderella.
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@UncleDuke1969: *taps Canadian *mumbles "Apple starts with..." "Eh?" *whispers "Your blood type?" "Eh?" *mutters "Best grade?" "Eh?" *giggles *runs away
@AGreaterMonster: Dear Applicant, Your résumé appears to be a string of stolen tweets. Congratulations, you're our new VP of Marketing!
@LuvPug: I told my therapist what you said and she's gonna call your therapist and you're in big trouble
@sofarrsogud: DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.