@SonOfCha: Went into a massage parlor & asked for the happy ending, now I'm tucked into bed with a Korean woman reading me Cinderella.
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@TheTweetOfGod: "The Bible" running on the History Channel is like "Dragons" running on Animal Planet.
@NoogsCorner: After drinking that much, I just hope whatever I bring back home is some sort of human.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" I'm always hungry "That's not what I-" *takes out a cake* Also, I don't like to share