@thatUPSdude: Her: Do you watch Desperate Housewives? Me: No but I follow a few on Twitter.

@DaveTheAlbino: I'm too fat to be a hipster. I'm thinking of becoming a Heapster instead.

@jackmackenroth: I'm taking my mother-in-law to the new Resident Evil movie because she's staying with me and I love subliminal messages.

@TheDairylandDon: October's cool because you can buy 60 Snickers, 48 beers, a hockey mask, chainsaw, 30 leaf bags and the cashier won't even acknowledge it.

@PoguePhilosophy: I just bought some land with a stranger and now we have a lot in common.