@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@blainecapatch: whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he's taking a pretty nasty shit in there.
@ScaryMommy: No, officer, no one is being murdered. I just had to rinse the shampoo out of my child's hair.
@longwall26: Funny how we say "I drank a *pot* of coffee" instead of "I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword"
@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to experiment in bed* Her: *looking up from her book* What’s with the lab coat?