@itsa_talia: we're going to have a president named jeb. president jeb.
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@Robert_Beau: At Toys R Us: TRU: Yessir? Me: I want a light saber. TRU: We have basic to advanced, how old is your grandson? Me: 40ish
@sensitivetim: 2 friends and I once pulled the 3 kids in a trenchcoat trick & killed a man got tried as an adult but when they hung mike, paul & I fell out
@OohSnapItsChris: My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him.
@jwoodham: If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something.