@Nikkeya08: We're just two people shitting in side by side stalls waiting for the other person to go out so we don't have to show our face
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@bobvulfov: [cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer
@ObscureGent: My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish.
@meganamram: I'm donating my body to science. I'm getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer.