@ChaseMit: "We're not so different, you and I," Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.
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@KevinBuffalo: Me: "Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?" Wife: "Well, what does it say on it?" Me: "Buffalo Sabres." Wife: "You're an idiot"
@stephenjmolloy: "It's beautiful today. Let's work outside." *5 mins later* "This was a terrible idea." *more bees disrupt the open heart surgery*