@NoogsCorner: Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife's late for work because I unplugged her alarm so I could charge my phone. She's mad, but at least I can tell you guys about it.
@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
@dinnersruined: Welcome to innuendo club. This is going to be a long and hard session, if you know what I mean.