@NoogsCorner: Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?
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@causticbob: I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
@ThaJawn: An air horn that looks like a febreze can so you will always know when someone shits at your house
@this503girl: Recently found out I'm not the devil. I read the tag on my underpants incorrectly; it said "Satin". Oops.