@MrJeberling: What about "BusinessMyspace"? Nah, it's taken. Okay, what about "LinkedIn"?
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@funandmisery: [Hands on Ouija Board] Me: If you’re really my grandma give me a sign! “W.H.Y.A.R.E.N.T.Y.O.U.D.A.T.I.N.G.Y.O.U.R.E.S.O.H.A.N.D.S.O.M.E.”
@RikNasty2Point0: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I live in Canada. So, free health care.
@SukaBlunt: I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen
@thatUPSdude: Me: Want some of my nachos? Coworker: I don't like nachos. Me: Hello 911, what's consider premeditated murder?