@MrJeberling: What about "BusinessMyspace"? Nah, it's taken. Okay, what about "LinkedIn"?
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@LaziestCanine: Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out "get more dogs"] obviously
@buttcrunchy: "honey why is our water bill so high?" *water bill sits there holding a bong* hahahah duuuude i don't know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?
@RidiculousSheri: My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I'm the racecar, sometimes I'm the iron. But usually I'm a peanut because I've lost all the game pieces.