@YesThatAmy: What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!
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@XplodingUnicorn: Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home? Me: I don't even think about work at work.
@ticknada: Anyone that says I'm a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
@FrogAvalanche: Drug Dealer: U have to tell me if ur a cop. Cop: U have to tell me if ur a dealer. DD: U sure? Cop: Ya Im a cop, I know laws Oh damn it.