@Jez1: What do I want to do to your body? I don't know. Identify it, I guess.
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@samalmightysam: If you receive an e-mail that says: ''FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS'' Don't open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
@zachreinert03: Ate at w pho restaurant and based on my waitress' facial reaction I'm not sure if I asked for a fork or killed her entire family
@MarlonBrandNO: [DATE] ME: I'm a literature buff HER: who do you read? ME: read? *cut to me bench pressing like 70 copies of The Great Gatsby*
@treadmilld: Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.