@meganamram: What do we want? A 2016 calendar! When do we want it? Late 2015!
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@jwoodham: What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
@kirbys4losers: Maybe I can bury my burned out vibrators in the Pet Sematary and they'll come back to life with a vengeance.
@fluffysuse: Just received an email listing 5 ways to prevent divorce. 'Don't get married' wasn't on there. Or 'murder.' Stupid list.
@bluebonetbabies: My son just threatened to not talk to me for the rest of the day. I'm 3% offended and 97% hoping he follows through.