@iQuoteComedy: What do we want?" "A cure for ADHD!" "When do we want it?" "Squirrel!"
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@causticbob: I took a girl back to my flat. "You haven't removed many bras have you?" she sighed. "What gave it away?" "The scissors, mainly."
@3_arbutus: There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
@maughammom: Either my daughter has pink glitter in her hair or head lice is way more fabulous than I remember.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother "still had down syndrome." No mother, he walked it off.