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@thinkingparsnip: What do you call a parsnip riding a dragon?
@murrman5: [wife replies to text that I found a genie]
dont do a thing im almost home
[she pulls up and the car from the cars movie is in the driveway]
@jordan_stratton: I'm sorry, sir, but your cholesterol isn't high enough to buy this Hawaiian shirt.
@7_Cents: The name's Bondjamesbond. James Bondjamesbond.
@andreeahluscu: I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been "whoa there chap"
@tehaveragejoel: Two crows fall in love, move in together, start a family.
The perfect murder.