@ihuffpaint: what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: 50 Shades of Grey is also the title of the 101 Dalmatians alternate ending where Cruella wins and makes a coat out of the puppies.
@LifesGoodThing: Dear women, 3 reasons why you need to accept we men are mature. No 1. We know what upsets you. No 2. Hahahahahaha... I said "number 2"
@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"
@Elizasoul80: [slashing food truck tires] friend: wtf are you doing?! [running away with arms filled with tacos] YOU COMIN OR NOT?!