@ihuffpaint: what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun
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@bobvulfov: Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment "lame" on all her wedding pics on facebook
@SteveSuckington: "Tell me where the money is or else I kill the girl" -just to be clear, if I don't tell you she dies but I get to live right?
@ApocalypseBnG: How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"