@ihuffpaint: what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun
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@DadandBuried: My baby reminds me of Freddy Kruger: he's got long, sharp fingernails, is most terrifying at night, and forces you to survive on no sleep.
@thejamietighe: *rides in on giant turtle* Me:Sorry I'm late. Boss:You rode that to work? Me:No, went to the zoo. *phone rings* Me:That'll be the zoo.
@truegritrumble: MOM: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. ME: I'd like to see them TRY *slowly pulls katana from beneath pillow*