@tchrquotes: What do you mean will I eat a whole rotisserie chicken? What do I look like, a guy who doesn't eat whole rotisserie chickens?
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@beefman138: Historian : Rome wasn't built in a day. Me : [Trying to impress the girls] He's right, you know, it was built in Italy.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [presses every button in elevator] here's how Michael Bay ruined the ninja turtles
@jimmytorosian: An excerpt from my self help book, "How to Get Rich Quick" Chapter 1: Write a self help book about how to get rich quick The End