@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
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@JessicaVarsity: I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Freak parents out on Facebook by posting, "Just read a health article about how a camera flash causes diabetes in kids under the age of 10."
@TheBoydP: "A room in motion will stay in motion until you sober up." ~Newton's little known fourth law of motion
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.