@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
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@faizziy: That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari..
@TheBoydP: Wife: Where'd you buy my gift? Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right? Me: Coupon? *wife faints*
@Sickayduh: SON: what ya reading? DAD: a huge book on podiatry SON: how long is it? DAD: it's about a foot