@Go2Slp: What flavor is the milkshake? How far away is the yard? How could you know its better than mine? You seem, frankly, a bit overconfident.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*
@awkwardphilippe: HER: deeper ME: I can't do it captain, the thrusters are already at full power HER: get off me
@summerofbenny: I avoid being photographed at events held at my apartment complex. I don't need someone pointing to a picture and saying,"That's him."
@DaddyJew: What the hell do you mean Buzzfeed isn't a reliable news source, it knew exactly what kind of pancake I'd be