@MRagaab: What I say: I'm on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate.
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@bigTman001: Cop: You know why I pulled you over sir? Me: Because you suck at finding rapists, murders, molesters, thieves, and arsonists?
@Clint_Bing: Guy asked me today if I've ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can't even say shit back
@Backthat_sid: Co-worker - Diet coke causes cancer. Me - My grandfather died at 102. CW- He used to drink diet coke? Me - No, he minded his own business.