@MRagaab: What I say: I'm on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate.
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@UnFitz: "Please hold. Your call is important to us." *writes novel* *gets medical degree* *walks from coast to coast* "Please continue to hold..."
@just1fool: There's nothing more pathetic than asking a random woman if she'll sleep with you unless it works because then you're a genius.
@ValeeGrrl: ME: my husband wears a pair of jorts the week I'm ovulating DOCTOR: no i meant are you on any form of hormonal birth control ME: ah. no.
@Home_Halfway: Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.