@MRagaab: What I say: I'm on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate.
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@KentWGraham: After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn’t stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we’d all be a lot skinnier.
@KentWGraham: I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would’ve been longer but my legs went numb crouching behind the dryer.
@ArfMeasures: INTERVIEWER: So...that's it. Any questions for me? ME: Do boxer dogs actually punch? I: um no that's not ME: I bet they use a puppercut