@pixelatedboat: What I would do if I had a falcon
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@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
@Reverend_Scott: [picks up hitchhiker] "Hope ur not a mass murderer. Haha" Actually I am. "WHAT" APRIL FOOLS! "Whew" I'm technically a serial killer.
@internetluke: TAYLOR SWIFT: I knew you were trouble when you walked in ME (wearing ski mask and holding up gun): what gave it away?
@ohpeetie: You think you understand people and then you see a car with eyelashes on the headlights.