@StevieKnip: What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy
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@BubblesnBooze: Him: How would you describe yourself? Me: Face of an angel, body of a marshmallow and the mouth of a sailor.
@Gupton68: Wife: [eyes glinting] Kids are at mums tonight, know what that means? Me: W: M: Cool! You get the popcorn, I'll break out the ‘Sopranos’ boxset!
@deadstick_ron: [Dog office] Dog 1: excuse me this is my desk - I pissed on it so.. Dog 2: I just pissed higher on it D1: son of a D2: SON OF A WHAT, DAVID?
@Brampersandon_: Longest English word: 'pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosi' Longest Spanish word: 'GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL'